


Without a sound

by BluBoi



Category: Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Implied Death, Panic Attacks, Sad, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11420592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluBoi/pseuds/BluBoi
Summary: He chose to go... Quietly.





	Without a sound

He had woken up due to a minor discomfort in his left arm. He had tried rolling on to his other side, but the discomfort continued. Morphing into a sharp tingling sensation emanating from the tips of his wrist and echoing down his forearm, stopping below his elbow. It wasn’t like any pins and needles he had had before. He sat up slowly, eyes blinking heavily with sleepiness. He rubbed at his eyes with his right hand, smudging forgotten eye shadow from the night before onto his eye lid. He sighed, feeling the familiar make-up stinging and drying his eyes. 

He rolled unceremoniously off the bed, dragging the pile of black fabrics with him. Sluggishly dragging himself up to his feet and into his bathroom. He solely focused on removing and reapplying the eye-shadow, so used to the routine he barely had to focus on the mirror.

In his still-sleepy state, he hadn’t realized the amount of pain now ebbing from his arm. He raised it to his face. There were no marks and after staring hard at the small hairs on his wrist he had convinced himself he wasn’t bleeding either. He stretched gently, ‘Perhaps I slept funny, pinched a nerve’ He sighed internally. Walking back out the bathroom he changed, hissing at the discomfort, he was going to need some Panadol or something. His arms dropped to his sides, sliding into the clean jacket pockets as he slipped into the hallway.

Morality jumped up and down in the commons, excited energy practically coming off him in waves. “Oooh, they’re here!” Logic sighed in the corner, stretched out with a note book in hand, he was writing. “They said they would be here at 4. They were reasonably on time.” Prince moved from the kitchen, joining Morality at the front desk. A large smile blessing his features. “Perfect, then we can begin!” Soon enough the pair were guiding Thomas, Explaining the plan for the new video, making funny jokes and overall having a great time while they filmed “Reasons to smile” 

So much so they didn’t even notice Anxiety as he snuck into the kitchen, grabbed a snack and sat on the floor, leaning on the wall opposite the positive sides, watching the screen with little interest. He wasn’t up to annoying him right now. It wasn’t the right time either, Thomas was getting to the point of being too happy. It made Anxiety feel Ill and he could’ve sworn the pain in his arm had increased, he was wedging it close to him, trying to stop the weird pain. He let out a sigh. The video was nearing completion meaning the aura of happiness could leave and he wouldn’t have to listen to any more of these positive words that were making him feel so wrong. So out of place.

He had curled tighter into himself, now aware that he was shaking. His own anxiety had triggered and thoughts were rushing into his head. He tried to listen as Thomas and his friends were summing up, with multiple re-iterations of “You can be happy, today may be bad but you’ll be ok.” The increasing nausea was creeping up on him. ‘Yeah right...’’ Like I can make anything good, I could go ruin things right now if I wanted.’ However as he went to move a wave of dizziness made the room spin, his eyes blurring in and out of focus, he caught himself, luckily his back still pressed on the wall as he lowed back down. ‘Yes. That’s what you do, Ruin things’ His hand snaked under his hood, grabbing at his hair, trying to focus on the pulling of his hair instead of the ball of happiness that was radiating in front of him. The anxious thought growing more the more he listened. ‘You can’t go and break those two up. Look how happy they are. You’ll upset them like always.’ Tears were getting closer now. He put both hands on his face. He was lucky they were there because they also muffled his abrupt yelp of pain. His left arm was throbbing and it was soaking.

With Bright. Red.

The world span again, he was sure he was either going to faint or vomit. He would much rather be unconscious than have his lunch return. ‘I deserve this. I am negative…’ Tears were rolling down his cheeks now, he was wrapping tighter into himself, but as he did so he let out a quiet scream. There was a striking pain from his stomach. He felt the warmth spread along his waist, sticking the shirt to his skin. He peaked up, unsure if the others even heard. Morality and Prince were too focused on Thomas. Logic had long since fallen asleep, drained from all the note taking, script writing, and problem-solving. ‘I usually ruin things like this for Thomas.. But not this time.’ The pain increased, and he fell with a gentle thud onto his left side. Unfortunately crushing his left arm. He winced, choking on the scream that threatens to leave his lips.’ I’ll suffer. Quietly’ Thomas’s final words bounced around in his head. But as they did they mutated and suddenly they were completely different and all he could here was ‘You can beat your anxiety.’ His right arm was holding his chin so tightly that his jaw was aching. ‘Beat. Beat. Beat‘ Blood was drizzling from under his shirt, a few speaks now on the carpet. He looks through the haze of tears to see Morality still squealing at the response to the video, Prince chuckling beside him. ‘Look at them... So full of cheer... And then. there’s you.’ 

 

He was losing it. The thoughts kept coming. The pain kept increasing. He needed help. It was hurting. ‘Aww.. You want them to take pity on the useless pile of trash that you are’ the inner voices sighed. Tears were mixing with the crimson that was now slipping through his lips as he tried to let out a scream... he found quickly, that that was no longer an option. ‘You said you would be silent.’ 

Anxiety found himself nodding. ‘I’m right.’ His eyes were screwed shut, the pain was overwhelming. He felt himself suffocating. It wasn’t hard to see why not that he could with his eyes closed. He was sinking into the carpet as if the fabric wasn’t there. As if he was a ghost.

A sudden cold feeling engulfed him, and he opened his eyes for a moment. Sudden recognition of his worsening predicament causing him to freeze in shock.

When his muscles relaxed, he grabbed his knees, and although basically impossible, he curled up even more. Causing the searing hot pain to course through him in even bigger waves. His mouth was open yelling in silent terror. Blood trickling past his open lips, the copper tainting his tastebuds.

His eyes had frozen open, he watched horrified as the commons disappear, none of the traits even sensing the loss of his presence. The inky darkness surrounded him. He was now just floating in an endless black. A Void. 

It was getting too much. The pain. The quiet. The abrupt blackness. The Loss, his ‘fellow’ traits... Thomas.. Just. Gone? He somehow knew he wouldn’t see them again… how he wished he wasn’t right. He couldn’t tell if his eyes were closing, but he felt his heart slowing. Each breath was harder than the last. He coughed, unable to clear whatever was blocking his airways. Endless oblivion was imminent. The last thought trickled into his empty brain. The feeling of fluid in his mouth extremely unpleasant as he lay in the void, his eyes closing as he neared close and closer to blacking out...

‘You brought this on yourself Anx… You chose to go... Quietly’

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you for reading!   
> Kudos/Comments are loved <3


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